The “Family and Friends Discount Trap”: Why Freelancers Must Set Boundaries
If you’ve been a freelancer or consultant for even a few months, you’ve probably experienced this familiar scenario:
You’re focused on your workload, trying to meet deadlines and hit your income targets. Suddenly, a friend, cousin, church member, neighbour, or former classmate appears with a request:
“Help me with this small thing, just do it for me.”
Or: “But you’ll do it for me free now, you’re my person.”
Or the famous one: “Ah ah, how much is it? Reduce it now, we’re family!”
Welcome to what many professionals call the Family and Friends Discount Trap.
This is a subtle but common situation where people expect your skills, time, and expertise at little to no cost, all because of personal relationships. While their intentions may not always be malicious, the impact on freelancers is often very real.
Why This Happens
1. Familiarity Breeds Undervaluation
When people know you personally, they sometimes struggle to see the professionalism behind your skill. To them, you’re “Iyk,” “my brother,” “my friend”—not a business owner running on deadlines and invoices.
2. Cultural and Social Pressure
In many cultures (Nigeria especially), helping “your people” is seen as a moral obligation. Saying “no” can make you seem proud, stingy, or unhelpful, even when their request hurts your productivity.
3. They Don’t Understand the Cost of Your Work
Many people see the finished product, NOT the mental energy, tools, research, sleepless nights, and skill level involved. So they assume it’s easy for you.
Why It’s a Problem for Freelancers
1. It Disrupts Your Work Schedule
One unpaid or underpriced job can mess up your timeline for paid clients.
2. It Reduces Your Earnings
Every free job replaces a paying job you could have taken. Time is your currency.
3. It Sets a Dangerous Precedent
Once you do it once, they come back again and they refer others who also expect freebies.
4. It Makes You Emotionally Drained
You begin to feel used, frustrated, and unappreciated.
How to Break Out of the Discount Trap (Without Spoiling Relationships)
1. Create a Friends and Family Policy
Something simple like:
“I offer a 10% courtesy discount for close friends and relatives, and I attend to requests based on availability.”
That small boundary changes everything.
2. Use the “Queue Method”
Tell them:
“I can do it, but I have to attend to paying clients first. I’ll slot you in when there’s free time.”
Most people disappear voluntarily when they hear they must wait.
3. Offer Alternatives Instead of Free Labour
Example:
“I can give you a template you can edit yourself.”
“I can guide you for 10 minutes, but I can’t take on the full project right now.”
This helps without draining your time.
4. Learn the Art of Polite ‘No’
Here’s a gentle version:
“I’d love to help, but I’m fully booked with paying clients. I hope you understand.”
You’d be surprised how effective this is.
A Final Thought: Your Gift is Your Business
People often forget that your skill is your livelihood, not a hobby. Your laptop, data subscription, software, knowledge, and time cost money. You’re not being wicked for protecting your business.
The moment you start valuing your time, others will too.
Freelancers deserve respect.
Professionals deserve compensation.
And boundaries are a form of self-care.
So the next time someone says, “You’re my person, so do it free,” smile and remember:
You’re running a business, not a charity.
